Why this is written in such a confusing way

I am not going to write this as the "story of my life", I just want to explain. It might sound confusing at times, mainly because I keep remembering more and more things
that has happened, things that I havent thought about for a long time. Things that now
makes me be ashamed of how I acted in the past. I know I shouldn't feel that way, but
I am so used to be ashamed. For many years I felt horrible because I secretly didn't
like that my husband had access to my mail account and bank account. I felt there was
something wrong with me for having these feelings. About a year before I told that I
wanted a divorce, I changed the password to my mail. He was not happy. Why would I do
that, and what was I hiding? I was scared and ashamed but I didn't give him my new
password. I think he never forgave me for that.